LONELY

I fold my heart like a letter I'll never send
Read it alone then I start again
I rehearse love in a silent room
But freeze when it's real and you step too soon
I've been living in the place between no and yes
Every dream feels close but I move too slow
If I reach for you will the truth show through
Or will I ruin the best thing I never knew
If I let you in will you stay when you see
I'm still learning how to be me
I don't wanna be lonely
But I don't know how to be close
I'm scared if you hold me
You'll feel what I hate the most
I want you to know me
But I'm learning to be me
I'm breaking the silence slowly
And choosing to believe in me
I'm learning
I'm learning how to let love stay
I'm learning
I'm learning not to run away
I measure my worth in the gaps that I see
Of the things I was almost brave enough to be
I chase perfection just to feel safe
Then blame my fear when I hesitated
I hear your voice and my chest goes tight
Like love is a test I failed tonight
I want to believe I could let you stay
But I build more reasons to walk away
I'm tired of feeling the burden I am
Like loving me was never the plan
If I wait much longer I'll disappear
Still full of love but ruled by fear
So if I fall let it be out loud
Not in my head now lost in the crowd
I'd rather be real than perfectly safe
I'd rather be broken and never be brave
I don't wanna be lonely
I don't wanna hide it anymore
If you see right through me
I'll still be standing at the door
I want you to know me
While I'm learning to be me
I'm breaking the silence slowly
And choosing to believe in me
I'm learning
I'm learning not to run away
I'm learning not to run away