Arose

If I could rewind time like a tape
Inside a boombox, one day for every pill or Percocet that I ate
Cut down on the Valium, I'da heard everything
But death is turning, so definite, wait!
They got me all hooked up to some machine
I love you, Bean, didn't want you to know I was struggling
Feels like I'm underwater submerged like a submarine
Just heard that nurse say, my liver and kidneys aren't functioning
Been flirtatious with death, skirt-chasing, I guess
It's arrivederci, same nurse, just heard say they're unplugging me
And it's your birthday, Jade, I'm missing your birthday
Baby girl, I'm sorry, I fucking hate when you hurt, Hai
And sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts
But, girls, you can just open 'em
Dad ain't making it home for Christmas
Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss
I go to make a fist, but I can't make one, I'm frozen stiff
I yell, but nothing comes out, I'm crying inside, I shout
My vocal cords won't permit me, I scream, but it's not aloud
You put your arm around Mama to calm her, wow
I just thought about the aisle I'll never get to walk us down
Never see you graduate in your caps and gowns
It's 'bout to be 2008, how's this happening now?
I got so much more to do
And, Proof, I'm truly sorry if I let you down, but this tore me in two
The thought of no more me and you
You gave me shoes, Nikes like new for me for school
Doody, I'm trying, but you, you were the glue that binded
So many things, time, I'd give anything to rewind it
I had to walk down my halls and constantly be reminded
By pictures, all on my walls and I couldn't sleep at night 'cause
That image burned in my brain of you on that table
Me falling across your body, not able to stand to save you
God, why did you take him?
I'm tryna keep his legacy alive, but I'm dying, where's Nathan?
Little ladies, be brave, take care of your mother
Smile pretty for pictures, always cherish each other
I'll always love ya, and I'll be in the back of your memory
And I know you'll never forget me
Just don't get sad when remembering
And, little bro, keep making me proud
You better marry that girl 'cause she's faithfully down
And when you're exchanging those sacred vows
Just know that if I could be there, I would
And should you ever see parenthood, I know you'll be good at it
Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too
I actually learned a lot from you
You taught me what not to do
And, Mom, wish I'd have had the chance
To have one last heart-to-heart honest and open talk with you
Doody, I see you, I go to walk to you
And I can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room
Nurses lean over the bed, pulling tubes out
Then the sheet over my head, shut the room down
Girls, please don't get upset, I see them cheeks soaking and wet
As you squeeze hold of my neck, so forcibly, don't wanna let
Me go, pillow drenched, emotional wrecks
With every second, each closer to death
But suddenly I feel my heart begin to beat slow then a breath, machines go
Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit
I'm trying to rewind time like a tape
Find an escape, make a beeline, try and awake
From this dream, I need to re-find my inner strength
To remind me, even if a steep climb I must take
To rewrite a mistake, I'm rewinding the tape
(I don't want it!)
I'll put out this last album, then I'm done with it
One hundred percent finished, fed up with it
I'm hanging it up, fuck it!
Excuse the cursing, baby, but just know
That I'm a good person, though they portray me as cold
And if things should worsen, but I bet you they won't
I'm pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet
Shred these old letters I wrote
All that old pathetic loathing, closing credits can roll
I'm proud to be back
I'm 'bout to, like a rematch, outdo Relapse
With Recovery, Mathers LP2
Help propel me to victory laps
Gas toward 'em and fast forward the past
Consider the last four minutes as
The song I'da sang to my daughters
If I'da made it to the hospital less than 2 hours later, but I fought it
And came back like a boomerang on 'em
Now a new day is dawnin'
I'm up, Tuesday, it's mornin', now I know